Friday, February 21, 2014

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?


I loved this song the minute I heard it. I am sure I'm not unique in that I have had a few disappointments in my life...actually some pretty significant ones. However, as I have grown and matured, I have seen the "blessings" that have come from some of the struggles.  One "moment" in my life that seems to have affected me for as long as I can remember, is my parent's divorce.  I am 50...holy cow that's a lot of years:)...and I still feel the affects of the decision made by others so, so many years ago.  It's not that I live in the past, I just know that the scars remain.  I can still vividly remember a boyfriend, with all the tact he could muster, saying to a sensitive 18 year old me, "because your parents are divorced, is that an option for you?"  I was sad and crushed.  Most likely, and in part because I was young and immature, that question was the undoing of our relationship.  Because my parents were divorced I had decided early on that I would do all in my power NOT to ever inflict that kind of pain onto others. So, that disappointment really taught me a lot about relationships and what was important to look for in a spouse.  A huge blessing which came from a painful experience.  

Several years ago Bill was being "sought after" by FedEx in Memphis, TN.  He'd interviewed and our entire family was booked and ready to fly out to look for houses...only to be told a day or two before we were to leave, that they had decided to hire someone "internally".  It was a major disappointment.  We were stunned.  But as we had learned to do, we soldiered on.  A few weeks later Bill interviewed for a job locally with EDS.  The opportunity came out of nowhere.  It was a much better opportunity than FedEx.  A huge blessing came after a major disappointment. 

Heavenly Father really is in control.  He knows everything and I need to remind myself of that often.  I am still trying to figure out the blessings or "mercies" from my mom passing away so young and when she was finally loving her life here in Texas...that is a puzzle for sure.  But again, Heavenly Father knows what he is doing.  

I hope I can continue to remember that "the trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are our mercies in disguise."  One day all of these things will make sense.